War
by:

How an american father explains the world to his son

Son: Dad, why did we have to attack Iraq?

Father: Because they had weapons of mass destruction

Son: But the inspectors didnt find any weapons of mass destruction

Father: Because the iraqis been hiding them

Son: And thats why we conquered Iraq?

Father: Yes. Conquering always works better then inspections.

Son: But after we conquered it, we still didnt find any weapons of mass destruction, no?

Father: Because they are hidden so well. But dont worry, we will find something. Guess short before the election in 2004.

Son: Why wanted the Iraqi to have all this weapons of mass destruction?

Father: To use them in war, silly.

Son: I am confused. If they had all those weapons to use them in war, why didnt they use them when we had war?

Father: Well, obviously they didnt want anyone to know that they had those weapons, so they rather died by thousands then defending themselves.

Son: That doesnt make sense. Why would they decide to die when they had that big weapons, with being able to defend themself using them.

Father: It's another culture. It doesn't need to make sense.

Son: I dont know how you feel, but I dont believe they had any of those weapons our gov. was talking about.

Father: Well, you know, its not really important if they had those weapons or not. We had another good reason to attack them.

Son: And that was what?

Father: Even if they didn't had any weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was an evil dictator, wich also is a good reason to attack another country.

Son: Why? What does a evil dictator do that makes it right to attack the country?

Father: Well, he tortured his own people.

Son: Like they do in China?

Father: Don't compare China with the Iraq. China is a good economy competitor, where millions work for slave salery in sweatfactories, to make american companies richer.

Son: So if a country exploits there own people for the yield of american companies its a good country, even if it tortures its own people?

Father: Right.

Son: Why where people in Iraq being tortured?

Father: Mostly for political crimes, like critisising the government. People that critisised the government in Iraq was put into jail and tortured.

Son: Isn't that the same what's happening in China?

Father: I told you, China is different!

Son: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

Father: Well, Iraq has been reigned by the Baath-Party, where China is communism.

Son: Didn't you once tell me that communisnm is evil?

Father: No, only communism on Kuba is evil.

Son: How are cuban communists evil?

Father: Well, people that criticise the cuban government get stuck into jailed and get tortured.

Son: Like in Iraq?

Father: Excatly.

Son: And like in China?

Father: Like I said, China is a good economic competitor, where Cuba is not.

Son: How come that Cuba isnt a good economic competitor?

Father: Well, you know, back in the 60s our government made some laws that made it illegal for american companies to trade with them or have deals with them unless they are no longer communists anymore and more like capitalist like us.

Son: But if we would get rid of those laws and have trade and make deals with them, wouldn't that help the cuban to become capitalists?

Father: Don't be an know-it-all.

Son: Sorry, didn't think I would be one.

Father: Well, doesn't matter. They also don't have religious freedom in Iraq.

Son: Like China with the falun-gong movement?

Father: I already told you: stop talking bad about China. In any case, Saddam Hussein became to rule via an military putsch (coup), so he was no rightful leader anyways.

Son: What is a military coup?

Father: That's when a general takes the lead in an country without elections, like we do in the US.

Son: Didn't the pakistani leader come to rule like this?

Father: You talk about general Pervez Musharaf? Ummm, yes, but pakistan is our friend.

Son: Why is pakistan our friend if their leader isn't rightful?

Father: I never said that Pervez Musharaf isn't rightful.

Son: Didn't you say that a general, that comes to rule by overthrowing the legal government by force, an unrightful leader?

Father: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharaf is a friend because he helped us to attack Afghanistan.

Son: Why did we attack Afghanistan?

Father: Because of what they did on 9/11.

Son: What did Afghanistan do to us on 9/11?

Father: Well, on 9/11 19 people - 15 of them out of Saudi Arabia - hijacked four planes and made them crash into building in New York and Washington and killed 4000 people that way.

Son: And what did Afghanistan do about this?

Father: In Afghanistan, those people where trained under the surpressing force of the taliban.

Son: Aren't the taliban the evil people that cut off peoples hands and heads?

Father: Yes, that is them. Not only did they cut off hands and heads, they also surpressed women.

Son: Didn't the Bush administration give them 43 million dollars in Mai 2001?

Father: Yes, that was an reward for their succesful fight against drugs.

Son: Fight against drugs?

Father: Yes, the taliban been very succesful in stopping the production of opium.

Son: How did they manage to do that so well?

Father: Pretty simple. If the taliban caught someone growing opium, they chopped off their hands and heads.

Son: So, if the taliban chopped of hands and heads of people that been growing something, that is ok, but not if they cut off hands and heads for any other reason?

Father: Exactly. It's ok for us if when radical fundamental islamists chop off the hands of people that grow things, but its evil to cut hands off for stealing bread.

Son: Don't they cut off hands in Saudi Arabia for stealing as well?

Father: That is something different. Afghanistan was reign by a tyrannic patriarch that surpressed women, forced them to wear burkas, and stone them to death if they wouldn't listen.

Son: Isn't it that women in Saudi Arabia have to wear burkas as well?

Father: No, they wear traditional islamic bodywear.

Son: What's the difference?

Father: Traditional islamic bodywear, like worn by women in Saudi Arabia, is a descreet but elegant piece of cloth, that covers the whole female body but the eyes and the hands. The burka on the other hand is an evil tool of patriachic surpression, that covers the whole body but the eyes and hands.

Son: Sounds like the same thing with a different name.

Father: Well, you can't compare Saudi Arabie with Afghanistan. The saudis are our friends.

Son: But I thought, 15 out of 19 hijackers from 9/11 came from Saudi Arabia?

Father: Yes, but they have been trained in Afghanistan.

Son: Who trained them?

Father: A very evil man named Osama bin Laden.

Son: Is he from Afghanistan?

Father: Umm, well, no, he comes from Saudi Arabia. But he is an evil man, a very evil man.

Son: I think I recall that he once was our friend.

Father: Only as long as we helped him and his mujahedeen to turn back the sowjet invasion in the 80s.

Son: Who were the sowjets? Have it been the evil sowjet empire that Ronald Reagon talked about?

Father: There are no more sowjets. The sowjet union disbanded 1990 or so and they have elections and kapitalismn now. We call them russians.

Son: The sowjets - I mean russians - are our friends now?

Father: Well, not really. Well, you know, they been our friends for some years after they stopped being sowjets, but then they decided not to support our attack on Iraq and now we are mad at them. We are also mad at the germans and french because they didn't help us.

Son: The french and germans are also evil?

Father: No, not really, but bad enough so we had to rename "french fries" and "french toast" to "freedom fries" and "freedom toast".

Son: Do we always remane food if a country doesn't do what we want?

Fathers. No, we only do with friends. Everyone else we attack.

Son: But haven't been the Iraq our friend in the 80s?

Father: Well, for a while.

Son: Was Saddam Hussein already ruler there back then?

Father: Yes, but at this time he fought Iran, what made him our temporaty friend.

Son: Why did this make him our friend?

Father: Because Iran was our enemy.

Son: Didn't he kill kurds with gas at this time?

Father: Yes, but as he was fighting Iran, we looked away to show him he is our friend.

Son: So everyone fighting our enemies automatically becomes our friend?

Father: Mostly, yes.

Son: And everyone fighting our friends automatically becomes our enemy?

Father: Sometimes that as well. If our companies have a gain from supporting both sides with weapons, the better.

Son: Why?

Father: Because war is good for our economy, what means that war is good for America. And as god is on Americas side, every enemy in war is an unamerican communist. Do you understand now why we attack Iraq?

Son: I think yes. We attacked them because god wanted us to.

Father: Yes.

Son: But how did we know that god wanted us to attack Iraq?

Father: Well, you know, god directly talks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.

Son: So in the end you tell me we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices?

Father: Yes! Finally you understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable and sleep. Good night son.

Son: Good night dad.